abaogenesis | LIMELIGHT INBOX

[ He stares at her for a long moment before just shrugging ]

If you don't know what specifically you're sorry for, then an apology falls flat.

Anyway, I'm not here for that. You haven't eaten, or drank, or left your room at all.

[ she seems to bristle a bit, ignoring the concern entirely. ]

I know exactly what I've done. Tell me what you want me to say. That I apologize for treating you so cruelly, or that you felt you had to solve my mistake for me, or for revealing you in front of Holy Order? Or making you think I never loved you, or that I'm sorry for never understanding what exactly was wrong with me. I still don't. I don't think I can be fixed. I think this all proved that much.

Is that good enough? Do you think I don't know, because it's hard for me to say everything outright when I don't even understand many things about myself? I apologize for that, as well.

[ Slowly ]

I'm not angry with you for being honest with me, even if the circumstances around the honesty weren't... ideal.

What I am pissed about is you having yourself taken apart, to your own detriment, like it doesn't even matter.

I had no reason to believe anything would change.

... You don't seriously believe that was honesty.

You've never bothered to lie to me before. Why would you start?

[ are you stupid??? ]

... Aloe, I was angry and wanted you to stop bothering me and you asked me a question about my feelings on you when I literally had nothing there.

Edited 2025-02-09 01:14 (UTC)

I asked if you noticed a difference.

I already told you, that's not what this is about.

Of course I noticed a difference. I lied to you.

[ sorry. Still ignoring the rest. ]

[ Just fucking stares at her ]

[ heaves a sigh and goes to sit at the edge of her bed. ]

I would not have stayed with you at long as I did if I felt nothing at all. I don't understand why that's so hard to believe, with how... nasty, I was being. If you'd noticed the change in my personality, how could I have been telling the truth? Had I been that way during our relationship...?

Edited 2025-02-09 01:33 (UTC)

No, you idiot. I told you I never believed you were incapable of love.

Being incapable of it and not feeling it toward me are totally different things. Pulling out the whole goddamn emotion is probably enough to take out any underpinnings of pity or decency that usually keep the truth quiet.

If you're going to insult me, do it to someone else. Commiserate with Brocade, perhaps. Or Shura.

You don't have to believe what I say, but I won't be called an idiot for whatever insane assumption you pulled out to believe such an obvious lie. I did not want to marry after two divorces. That does not mean I never felt anything for you.

Please go. I have no desire to fight you about my mistakes. I already know.

[ Sets his jaw stubbornly ]

You'll recall this isn't why I came here, you just wouldn't drop it.

When did you last eat?

Recently enough. Why?

'Cause it's not enough.

[ Jabs a finger at her. In her own room. ]

Stay here. I'll be back.

[ Turns to go scrounge up food. And make tea. And get sleeping drugs. ]

[ tired, exasperated: ]

If you're going to treat me like a child, stay out.

[ Over his shoulder ]

Letting someone give a shit about you isn't childish.

[ He does return some minutes later with food and water and tea and drugs if she doesn't literally lock him out tho ]

[ fortunately she does not, but she also hasn't moved at all, still seated with her hands folded in her lap.

She does look a little confused when he comes back. She stays quiet, though. ]

[ Places the tray next to her on the bed -- some leftovers, reheated. Tea to her exact specifications. A glass of water.

Then he slouches back against the doorframe again, a drink of his own in hand. It smells more medicinal than like tea, though. ]

I have a question about something you said the other night.

[ she just stares at it for a moment before taking the glass of water. She doesn't drink it though, just holding it. ]

... Yes?

You said I told you I don't love you.

What were you talking about?

You implied you had no lingering feelings after we separated when I asked you and Brocade when we were drinking. I took that to mean you had no romantic feelings for me at all any longer. I had no reason to think otherwise.

Edited 2025-02-09 03:06 (UTC)

[ Opens his mouth to say something--

Reconsiders, given the entire context surrounding this situation. ]

Well... an absence of romantic feelings doesn't mean an absence of love. In general.

[ Somewhat bitterly, but it's just with a tired edge: ]

Yes. Now I know.

Sorry. That wasn't a jab.

I just don't want you to still think it's true.

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